From this survivor to the next

The last time I donated my hair, I was pregnant with Louie in 2013.  It’s hard to imagine the years I’ve lived since then.  The growth reminds me that time does not stop for anyone and we’re forced to move forward.  I wouldn’t have been able to imagine the picture of my life today during the early days, but here I am.  

If these ponytails could share memories, they would talk about the despair of burying my son, my mother-in-law, and my grandfather.  They would tell of times when I used them to wipe away my tears or could barely get out of bed to wash them.  If my hair could show you my emotions, it would also show the delight I experience from any number of Lexi’s latest antics or the peace that I feel when I'm next to the ocean.  But mostly, the distance between the top and bottom of my hair would include the spectrum of memories in between.  

In most ways, I still feel like an invisible bereaved mom who never gets to make new memories with her first born child, the one who doesn’t know how to answer how many children I have, and the mom who has spent more time in a cemetery than a school.  While those statements are still true, it’s not my only identity as a mom anymore.  I am also a mom to a #bossbaby who lights up a room and an expecting mom who is creating a home for another life to (hopefully) join our family in October. Our hair keeps growing, our lungs keep breathing, and our heart keeps pumping even when we feel like our world has stopped. And for that, I am grateful.

When Louie died on March 16, 2014, I wanted to die with him. For months, that was my daily wish and prayer. And yet, in the years since, I have learned that my next wish is to honor him through living.  These long strands for donation are a reminder that love endures in many forms.

Pantene Beautiful Lengths is an organization that makes real-hair wigs for women who are battling cancer. May this small donation bring love, perseverance, and a hope for the future from this survivor to the next in loving memory of Marilyn Chiang who lost her fight to cancer, but never stopped fighting...