In these small hours

To my (not so) little lobster,

Happy 9th heavenly birthday, my forever baby. Each year as March approaches, I start to think about what we’ll do for your anniversary and what I want to write to you.  This year, all plans are running a little behind schedule.  

Tomorrow we’ll call the local bakery and pay for a cake in celebration of you.  We’ll head to Skylawn and drop off some flowers.  We’ll sing happy birthday to you with your little sisters.  And then a lot of the day will feel “regular” - do some work, run some errands, go through our nighttime routine. 

That’s what I wanted to share with you.  When I think of you, I used to imagine all the big milestones that we missed - learning to walk or talk, your first day of school, your graduation, your wedding, and beyond. Now I wish for a regular, ordinary day with you.

One of my most cherished belongings is your infinity blanket.  Each year, Ivy Aiyi and your cousins/neighbors crochet a row for your birthday.  And then they add moments that happen throughout the year.  This year, we added going to Disneyland, getting a new car, and a water leak that flooded our house.  Other years, it might be your sister learning to walk or the time we gave lice… to everyone.  As I was touching each of these little moments, I reflected and shared, “there’s a lot of life after death”.  It’s these small moments that I long for now.

I wish you could join us for Ice Cream Friday’s.  I wonder what activity you would have picked when we do “family days” where everyone chooses 1 thing they want to do.  I imagine what it would have felt like to have you roll into our bed in the mornings when we’re packed like sardines…at least before you grew out of that stage.  I miss getting to know you.

Recently your dad played a song from an old(er) Disney movie that we like. It was before we had kids, but the meaning is much deeper now to me.  

The chorus says…

Our lives are made

In these small hours

These little wonders

These twists and turns of fate

Time falls away

But these small hours

These small hours

Still remain

(Song: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas)

Louie, in the twists and turns of fate, you remain with us in these small hours.  You still remain.  

I love you and miss you. 

Love, 

Mom, Dad, Lexi, Ellie, and Tori