Wave of Light - 2023

 Dear friends and family, 

It’s that time of year again. The Wave of Light is a tradition for our family to remember Louie and other little ones who are no longer with us. October 15 is infant & pregnancy loss remembrance day and observed through the international wave of light. We invite you to light a candle tomorrow (or send "light" thoughts/prayers) from 7pm-8pm in your local time zone. 

This has been a summer of transition for us - the biggest changes since Louie passed away.  We moved out of our SF home after 12 years - the only one our children have known, the only one that we shared with Louie.  And while our home now is only a few blocks away, it feels like we’ve entered a new chapter. 

We also took our first international trip as a family during a 6-week sabbatical that I was able to take this year. I was able to access a part of myself that felt like the “pre-grief” version.  The part that still likes to experience different cultures and wander the world.  The part that wants to change up routines.  The part that started a blog about a peregrination.   

On many days, I have felt like we were moving too far away from our son - both in time and space.  But I also deeply understand that the only way that time stands still is with death.  So I have come to embrace that it keeps going when life continues.  

I know that I’m still growing and changing. I also know that Louie doesn’t get to grow with me and he’s still always missing from our family photo.  Until then, we will look for Louie along the horizon and bring our love for him to our new home and to every place we visit.   

In the broader context of all the tragedies occurring around the world, I hope we can take a moment during the Wave of Light to appreciate the loved ones that are here with us and light a candle to remember those who are not.  After all, we don’t get to choose who gets to keep moving through time.  

Sending you all love and peace, 

M

Boston: home away from home

Sabbatical: Part 3 of 3 

We finished up the last part of the sabbatical in Boston.  It was a good change of pace to get us acclimated towards returning home.  We’ve now been away for more years than we lived there!  Our annual trip has been a way to maintain, and in many ways, deepen those relationships with our family and friends.  

Boston was filled with daily life similar to our SF rhythm: visiting Museum of Science (three times), getting sushi with the cousins, picking blueberries, going to playgrounds (although with added splash pads), and the big girls even went to craft camp for 2 days!  We stopped by Central Square Church and, of course, we always get a lobster sandwich at Alive and Kickin’ Lobsters in honor of Louie.

As I reflect on my sabbatical, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to take some extended time off. We wanted it to be filled with purpose, fun, and connection. This summer kicked off several big transitions: moving homes after 12 years and changing jobs/roles for both of us! What I have come to appreciate is that the gift of extra time from sabbatical was spent going deeper into the things we are already doing rather than doing something entirely new. It was nice to slow down the pace. I’m excited for all these midlife transitions…haha. Ready for the 2nd half of life.

The time away has certainly solidified my/our desire to do a “family gap year”. If anyone is interested in ideating on that topic, let us know. :)

Denmark and the Disney Dream

 Part 2 of 3 sabbatical

This was our first big international trip with the kids and was definitely a lot of work AND a lot of fun.  Our flight from SF to Copenhagen was 12 hours.  The kids did great all things considered and Tori’s new favorite movies are Coco, Finding Nemo, and Finding Dory. 

(Packing: How It Started - 12 years ago.  How It’s Going - today)

We spent a few days in Copenhagen ahead of the cruise to work through the jet lag.  Copenhagen was such a fun city to visit - biking around, lots of parks, and easy to navigate.  We’d love to come back sometime.  

(Royal Palace)

(Biking around Copenhagen)

All aboard on the Disney Dream. 

I’ve always loved Disney and traveling, so was excited to take a cruise as our way to visit multiple places while keeping some consistency of “routine” for the kids.  We went on a 7-night cruise around Northern Europe (Kiel-Germany, Stockholm-Sweden, Fredericia-Denmark, and Oslo-Norway).  I never thought of us as cruise people, but we definitely are when traveling with a toddler and grandparents.  There’s something for everyone.  The adults enjoyed our short visits to these ports - rain or shine!

Here are some highlights from the kids: 

• Lexi: Disney characters and Mickey bars
• Ellie: Disney characters and arts & crafts
• Tori: so much screen time (from what I can tell pre-talking)

One of my favorite parts of this trip was being able to travel with both sets of living grandparents.  We know these memories can’t be taken for granted.  They were able to spend time watching the shows on the ship, doing arts and crafts together, and of course, eating a lot of ice cream.  Even my dad ended up ordering a Mickey bar! 

W & I often talk about how much Nai Nai (Warren’s mom) missed out with the girls.  She was the ultimate cruiser and maximizer of all things fun.  We tell the kids that Nai-Nai loved traveling, playing card games, going on cruises, and exploring Tahoe. Our hope is that while we know we can’t be together, we’re able to share her memory, the things she enjoyed, and her adventurous spirit.

Well… the Disney cruise was definitely a success since the kids asked which Disney cruise we were going to take next year.  Haha.  We’re eyeing Alaska at some point, so would love for anyone to join us to make some magical memories.

Zikomo!

Part 1 of the sabbatical is complete.

Zikomo means thank you and my heart is definitely filled with thanks after returning home from Malawi. We’ve been supporting the work of charity:water for over a decade and it was always a hope that someday we’d be able to visit some water projects.  We were so grateful to make that happen this summer. 

Malawi is known as the “warm heart of Africa”.  At first I thought it was something that only foreigners said, but as we traveled throughout the country, it was clear that it’s a shared feeling from the people.  While being the 15th poorest country in the world, I was able to see richness in other ways. It’s a country of community, beauty, along with all needs of a developing country (i.e. water, roads, education).  

We had the privilege of visiting 4 different water projects during our trip. Water really does change everything.  We saw a live drilling of a well and saw the water burst up into the air.  There was dancing and joy all around.  We saw a community come together to organize and take long-term accountability for a water system that was shared with the local school.  And we saw the original water sources where all of these communities were getting dirty water within the last 12 months.  And we heard so many stories of celebration from (mostly) the women in the communities.

One reflection from this experience is that while I try to be efficient/effective with our giving, a life changed is a life changed… and it’s meaningful no matter what the exact ratio is. I’ve tried to get “the best deal” when choosing water projects (i.e. which can reach the most people for the same donation), but at the end of the day, every story of health and time matters.  It’s beautiful and humbling. 

If you'd like to know more about charity: water, please watch this. If you'd like to donate and bring clean water to an entire community, you can give here. I'm looking forward to the day everyone has access to life’s most basic need — clean and safe water.

Sabbatical

Starting up some notes for our 2nd worldwide peregrination. I'm officially off for 6 weeks after 6 years of tech startup life. Warren is taking a break after 12 years with Stanford. 

We have a 3-part trip planned. 

Part 0: Tori turns 2 on Sunday, so we celebrated today before our 6am flight tomorrow morning 

Part 1: Malawi with charity:water. (Jul 15-22)

We've been big supporters of the work for access to water and excited to visit some of the water projects. Warren and I are going on the trip without the kids so big thanks to Gong Gong and Poi Poi. 

Part 2: Denmark and Disney cruise (Jul 27-Aug 9)

Just call me a #disneyadult. Cruising was an idea of how to see multiple countries, but remembering this is our first international trip with the kiddos. 

Part 3: Boston (Aug 10-Aug 21)

It's our home away from home. Just hanging out without whoever is around. :)

Probably won't have as much time for stories, but will hopefully do a few photos along the way. 

Grateful for this season of exploring what God has for us to see, learn, and experience. 

In these small hours

To my (not so) little lobster,

Happy 9th heavenly birthday, my forever baby. Each year as March approaches, I start to think about what we’ll do for your anniversary and what I want to write to you.  This year, all plans are running a little behind schedule.  

Tomorrow we’ll call the local bakery and pay for a cake in celebration of you.  We’ll head to Skylawn and drop off some flowers.  We’ll sing happy birthday to you with your little sisters.  And then a lot of the day will feel “regular” - do some work, run some errands, go through our nighttime routine. 

That’s what I wanted to share with you.  When I think of you, I used to imagine all the big milestones that we missed - learning to walk or talk, your first day of school, your graduation, your wedding, and beyond. Now I wish for a regular, ordinary day with you.

One of my most cherished belongings is your infinity blanket.  Each year, Ivy Aiyi and your cousins/neighbors crochet a row for your birthday.  And then they add moments that happen throughout the year.  This year, we added going to Disneyland, getting a new car, and a water leak that flooded our house.  Other years, it might be your sister learning to walk or the time we gave lice… to everyone.  As I was touching each of these little moments, I reflected and shared, “there’s a lot of life after death”.  It’s these small moments that I long for now.

I wish you could join us for Ice Cream Friday’s.  I wonder what activity you would have picked when we do “family days” where everyone chooses 1 thing they want to do.  I imagine what it would have felt like to have you roll into our bed in the mornings when we’re packed like sardines…at least before you grew out of that stage.  I miss getting to know you.

Recently your dad played a song from an old(er) Disney movie that we like. It was before we had kids, but the meaning is much deeper now to me.  

The chorus says…

Our lives are made

In these small hours

These little wonders

These twists and turns of fate

Time falls away

But these small hours

These small hours

Still remain

(Song: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas)

Louie, in the twists and turns of fate, you remain with us in these small hours.  You still remain.  

I love you and miss you. 

Love, 

Mom, Dad, Lexi, Ellie, and Tori