2026 Wave of Light

Dear friends and family,

It’s that time of year again. The Wave of Light has become a special tradition for our family to remember Louie and other little ones who are no longer with us. October 15 is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day, observed through the International Wave of Light. We invite you to light a candle on October 15 (or send “light” thoughts or prayers) from 7–8 p.m. in your local time zone in honor of all the little ones who are gone too soon.

I’ve officially been back at work for almost a year, where the focus is constantly on optimizing things with AI and making things faster.  But as I started to think about this annual Wave of Light note, I was left to wonder what rituals are too sacred to give a prompt.  Spoiler alert: I started this from a blank page, blinking cursor, and decided to even type rather than dictate these words.  (Perhaps I’ll send it through an LLM for feedback at the end). 

Time spent together as a family remains the highlight of my days. It’s the opposite of efficient, asynchronous, and “productive”. A fun memory that stuck out from this summer was attending our first big concert (Ed Sheeran) together as a family.  Side note: this was also an important event as it will also likely be our children’s security challenge question for the rest of their lives.  It was a great experience, and Ellie and I came out of the concert with a new favorite song called “Camera”.  

The chorus goes: 

I don't need a camera to capture this moment

I'll remember how you look tonight for all my life

When everything is black and white, your color's exploding

There's somethin' in the way you shine

No, I don't need a camera when you're in my eyes

And in a flash, it's gone

But I'll keep holding on

To every little detail in the fabric of the night

Never letting go of it inside

That song was especially memorable as Ed Sheeran asked everyone in the stadium to use their phone flashes at the same time - not to use your phone to take a photo, but to experience the moment. It looked like a thousand twinkling stars in the night sky -  it was a moment to be fully present. And I think I will remember it always.  

Every October, I picture the Wave of Light traveling across the world. I think of our hearts connected by love and loss. We had one short day with our precious Louie, but his brief life reminds me how to hold on deeply to the most important things. I hope you share a deeply present moment with someone you love today.  

Some Things Cannot Be Fixed

Happy 12th birthday, my dear Louie!

Twelve years is a long time to live without you.  You’d be well into adolescence now - awkward middle school dances, probably not telling me much of what’s going on in your inner world, maybe even taller than me.  I suspect being a parent to a 12 year old boy may have been quite hard.  As always with my birthday letters, it’s hard to imagine that life now - to picture only my ideas rather than our reality. 

This year, the reality of life around me has felt heavier. Maybe midlife is just hard.  Friends have lost loved ones to tragic deaths, gone through divorces, struggling with difficult relationships with children, lost job, and the world around me seems to be filled with instability. And with most hard things, I often try to process it as quickly as possible - to be “ok”, to help, to get past the hard part, to make meaning. 

But lately, what I’ve come to appreciate is there’s nothing to get past. Sometimes grief (which is simply love) needs the space and air to simply be hurt, without expected progress. 

I’ve been reading a book called It’s OK that you're not OK by Megan Devine. A quote that stood out to me is this: 

Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.

This year I look around our family life, and from the outside, we look ok. In fact, maybe even more than ok.  I remember in the early days how desperately people wanted me to be ok - like the depth of my sadness was too uncomfortable to witness. 

But how I feel today is that I will never be ok that you are not here.  

I will never be ok that our family is “all girls”. 

I will never be ok with your death, no matter what beauty may come from those ashes.

And I’m just going to leave it at that. To let the longing for you remain. To let my sadness for you remain.  To let my annoyance with the need for closure remain. 

That’s what my love feels like right now. 

I miss you every day, my love.  Happy birthday, my forever baby.

Ten Years Later: The Lasting Impact of Project 1040

Email sent to Project1040 Supports from 2013. 

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Dear Friends & Family - 

I’m writing with an update on Project 1040. You might remember that back in 2013, a group of friends set out to raise $100,000 to build 10 wells through charity: water. Because of your generosity, we ended up funding 17 wells in the Tigray region of Ethiopia, which was an area with some of the most limited access to clean water in the world. Those wells were completed in 2014, and for years, they’ve been changing lives.

When conflict broke out in Ethiopia in 2020, the name Tigray immediately caught my attention. We checked in with the charity: water team, but communications in the region had been completely cut off. All we could do was hope and pray for peace, which never feels like enough.

This month, charity: water shared a beautiful, heartbreaking update about their partners rebuilding communities that were devastated during the conflict. They included a short 6-minute video from Ethiopia, and it moved me deeply. It was a reminder that the support you offered over a decade ago is still echoing forward in real people’s lives.

Here's the Video Link 

There is no new campaign, no social media push (I don’t even have TikTok), and nothing to track. This is simply an invitation:

In a season when so much money flows toward things that are temporary, consider again investing in something lasting - clean water for families around the world. 

If you feel moved to give again, there are a few simple ways to do that:  give monthly, sponsor a water project, or turn your assets (DAF, stock, etc) into clean water. 

Stories from within our community 

Over the past ten years, life has held both fullness and heartbreak, but one thread has stayed constant: our consistent network of people who care about bringing clean water to the world. A few glimpses:

• In 2021 and 2022, Jimmy ran the NYC Marathon twice, raising money for 3,500 people to gain access to clean water.

• In 2023, Warren and I had the chance to visit a few water projects in Malawi, which is an experience I will never forget.

• And in 2025, I wanted to share a story about Karina, who is one of the kids in our small group community. 

 
Photo: Karina (2013) → Karina + Tori (2023)

One of my favorite moments this year came from Karina’s big, bright, and audacious goal to raise $16,000 for her 16th birthday. Instead of doing something easy or typical, she took the time to research the communities that grow beans for Saint Frank Coffee and launched her own clean-water campaign in Burundi. To me, the beauty wasn’t achieving the final amount (though she hit her goal!), it was watching a teenager choose to spend her free time on behalf of others. 

I don’t know all the legacies we’ll leave behind, but I do know this: clean water is a solvable crisis, and your generosity more than a decade ago continues to ripple outward into lives, families, and futures. That gives me hope. And it’s beautiful to see there are others, both young and old, now joining along the way.

With love,
Melissa on behalf of Project 1040 

P.S. For those who want to revisit the original Project 1040 wells, here is the link to all the completed 17 wells. 

P.P.S. If it’s been awhile since we’ve connected, please consider this a warm hello and I’d love to hear how you’re doing.

Wave of Light 2025

Dear friends and family,

It’s that time of year again. The Wave of Light has become a special tradition for our family to remember Louie and other little ones who are no longer with us. October 15 is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day, observed through the International Wave of Light. We invite you to light a candle (or send “light” thoughts or prayers) from 7–8 p.m. in your local time zone in honor of all the little ones who are gone too soon.

In the grief journey, life after loss is filled with many triggers - some expected and many unexpected. One of my first unexpected moments came while watching Tangled. Confession: I owned this movie before I had kids (yes, a semi #disneyadult 🙋🏻‍♀️). I remember putting it on one afternoon while I was still on leave, and there was a seemingly ordinary scene at the end when Rapunzel went in for a family hug. In that moment, I was utterly gutted - hit by the realization that I would never experience a family hug, a family photo, a whole family moment together.

It’s now been over a decade since Louie skipped this world and went straight to heaven. The big waves of grief come less often now, though they still rise up from time to time. Recently, I experienced an unexpected and deeply special “whole family” moment during our annual family photos. The day took place at the beach, and we spent the morning simply playing and having fun. 

Some of you might know our small ritual of writing Louie’s name in the sand and watching it wash away- a fleeting moment that somehow feels fitting for his short life. While the kids were being photographed, I moved to the side and wrote Louie’s name in the sand. Our photographer noticed and, in a quiet act of grace, captured it. It wasn’t a full family hug, but it felt whole - like a small way to honor him and bring him into the heart of our joy.

(📷 by Anita Barcsa)

For those of you who have loved ones nearby, I hope you share a full family hug because the ordinary can be so precious. And for those of us missing someone we love, I hold you in my heart and will light a candle in remembrance of the brightness of love. 💛

Home is wherever we are together

After an epic summer (London, Boston, Tahoe), we finally returned home about a month ago. Stepping back into San Francisco brought a different kind of exhale and a sense of “final” unpacking. The familiar hills, our church community, the kids slipping back into school rhythms - it’s been a seamless return, so much so that sometimes I can’t believe we were gone for a year.

Highlights

• Culture shock: Why is boba $8 now?! Truedan, I miss you. Why isn’t there reasonable public transportation in SF? I definitely didn’t miss driving

• School: Returning to PKS has been lovely. Lexi & Ellie have settled in quickly, while Tori is still easing into school after Taiwan.

• Community: It's been a joy to reunite with friends and family.

Scenes from Our Return

Our first act of getting settled was getting on our bikes and eating some tacos. The kids reunited with their old toys, and we officially moved Tori into the big kids’ room - no more crib! Friends and family welcomed us with open arms, and it’s been such a gift to have play dates again. And best of all, we didn’t break into a sweat every time we stepped outside. 

At school drop-off, Lexi and Ellie slipped right back into the rhythm with friends and familiar teachers. Tori is learning to make new friends, but it’s sweet to see older brothers and sisters looking out for her on campus. We’re back to the bustle of carpool life with neighbors who feel like family. 

What’s Next for Us?

I’m diving back into the job search and excited to return to work life - focusing on companies in healthcare, energy, and infrastructure, and dusting off my non-existent resume. Warren is volunteering with Rise Prep, a local Christian high school, and Youth ministry (along with getting back to tennis). We’re still tweaking things in the house - it’s funny to think we’d only lived here ten months before heading abroad. And the hardest goal of all: finding good Taiwanese food in San Francisco. Our favorite spot, China Bee, closed a few years ago, we’ve been searching for a worthy replacement ever since. 

What we’ve learned over the last year is that home isn’t a house, or location, or things—it’s wherever we are, together.

A Tale of Two Cities: Taipei and SF

Over the past year, I (Warren) have been struck by the many differences living in Taipei compared to San Francisco.  There are so many things I appreciate about Taiwan living, but there are also accompanied downsides.  As our time winds down, I narrowed it down to three better and three challenging aspects to life in Taipei --

What's Better About Life in Taipei:

Superior public restrooms.

This may seem like a minor issue, but with three young kids, it's a comfort to know that nearly anywhere you go, there will be a clean restroom for them.  Almost always there is toilet paper alongside a recently cleaned toilet.  Often there will be a dispenser with cleaner to use to wipe the surface of the toilet seat.  Child-size toilets are also fairly common.  In many public places there is also a handy display showing which stalls are currently occupied/vacant.  There's really no debate on this as I'm sure our kids will notice this immediately when we return.

Transportation.

Public transportation in Taipei is amazing. We loved not having a car to worry about and enjoyed the plentiful taxis, buses, and the subway.  We took high speed trains all over Taipei and marveled at the affordability and convenience.  It made the whole city feel so much more accessible.  In the US we can't seem to figure out how to balance our suburban sprawl, our geographic scale, with accessibility.

Elderly people’s lives.

There are old folks everywhere in Taipei!  Spend some time here and you will see them exercising in large numbers in the parks, riding the buses, chatting on their front porch with neighbors, and being wheeled around the city by family or helpers.  

Everyone gets freee government sponsored health care - when Melissa's parents were here - they took full advantage and discovered and remedied medical issues that may very well have extended their lives!  Not only that, it was key that they didn't need to drive to get anywhere to see specialists and therapists all over the city. I found it refreshing that the whole country honors and prioritizes seniors in so many little ways -- from having functional elevators in all public spaces, to free senior passes to use the MRT, to elderly-friendly exercise equipment spread all around the city (e.g., picture). And don't forget the enduring cultural backdrop of filial piety where kids still take responsibility for direct care of their elderly parents. In the US, the older generation feel like afterthoughts.  The US doesn't demonstrate much care much about those who can no longer contribute to society in the same way as before.  It feels so much more dignified here.

What's Worse About Life in Taipei:

Weather and natural disasters.

Brutal weather.  Just BRUTAL.  Summer months get up to 95 degrees with punishing humidity.  You walk outside and last about 3 minutes before you're hunting for the closest A/C.   

Our family adapted well enough, but our first months being July, August, September, were not an easy introduction.  Once you get through the summer heat, you still have 70%-90% humidity all year long (which Melissa can tell you about how that impacts family hair-care). It rains roughly half of the year and it often comes with no warning or on days with a published 0% chance of precipitation. Typhoons visited Taiwan three times in our year here.  You need to carry an umbrella every day of the year to fend off either the intense sunlight or torrential rain (and sometimes both in the same day). I look forward to returning to 68 degrees and sunny every day in SF.

Mosquitos and bugs.

Our kids' legs, arms, and faces were ravaged by the relentless insects all year round (our kids' legs looked worse than this).  The humidity comes with so many midges and mosquitos which were always waiting for you in the morning or early evening especially after rainfall.  It's nearly the same as it was when I was a kid in Taiwan 40+ years ago -- I was hoping things had changed!  We enforce a daily application of sunblock and bug spray which is burdensome and time consuming (and often didn't work).  It finally made sense why many people don't wear shorts in Taipei even in 90+ degree weather.  When people are waiting at busy crosswalks, it is seems like the whole group of 50 people need to go to the bathroom because they keep moving their legs to avoid bug bites.

Young people’s lives.

In Taiwan, I had the privilege of sending the older girls to a bilingual school in Beitou and also working with some students and families in middle/high school as they prepare to go to university abroad (through ed consulting work).  My conclusion is that the life of a young(er) person in Taiwan is really tough - and probably tougher than in the US.   

Schooling feels burdensome and hours are super long in a context where traditional pedagogy and approach to learning (more time on task) dominate.  Kids are often spotted doing work by themselves at a 7-11 still in their school uniform at 9p.  Hours and hours of homework starts VERY early (Ellie had over an hour/day in 1st grade). Despite nearly universal college attainment, the pressure to succeed is still very high, the wages are quite low - compared to the US - and the prospects to attend college abroad is fiercely competitive.  Young people don't have much space to play, pursue extra-curricular interests, or simply have down time.  Add on top of that, mandatory military service for the young men and the cultural expectation that mothers should not be working too much outside of the home, while still taking care of elderly parents, and it is no wonder that young people are delaying marriage and/or deciding not to have kids.  Taipei has very high rents (comparable to a major city in US) adding significant economic pressure. I come away from Taiwan with much sympathy for the average young person studying and trying to navigate the many pressures and expectations put upon them.


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Overall, I have been so grateful for our year abroad.  We have been so lucky to have this experience and to bring our girls along for the ride.  Nobody revolted and demanded we go home (even with the bugs and heat) and we have so many memories that will last a lifetime.  We have made new precious friendships.  We were able to host so many of our family and closest friends in Taipei this year.  Despite all of its challenges, Taiwan is such a special place and I couldn't recommend it more to anyone who is considering visiting or bringing their families here for a short or long stay.  We can't wait to come back again soon!

Taipei Kind of Rhythm

As our family adventure year begins to wind down, I’ve been thinking a lot about what Taipei has come to mean to me. What started as a big leap - packing up our life for a year abroad – has grown into something steady and familiar. The rhythm of life here feels easy now, like we’ve truly settled in. It’s the small, consistent things - buying fresh fish every Tuesday from the same vendor, the local restaurant staff that bring pink plates for Tori, the kids casually using Taiwanese slang like “媠啦” (“sui la”)- that have made this place feel like home. It’s those everyday moments that I know we’ll miss most.

I want to share a few glimpses of our rhythm here.

Little Moments That Shaped Us

• Local Market Mornings – Several times a week, we head to the traditional market for veggies, dumplings, fruit, and fish. The stalls shift with the seasons, and my Mandarin has slowly improved - mostly by the vendors correcting me!

  
  

• School Life – There’s definitely more homework here than back home, but the routines are steady, and the big girls are thriving in a bilingual environment. Lexi’s proudly stepped into the role of family translator—reading menus, street signs, and even correcting our tones. Ellie's been deepening her love of art and sometimes recites Chinese poetry to herself during bath time. Meanwhile, Tori has gone from diapers and barely speaking to fully potty-trained and chatting in two languages. It’s been amazing (and a little humbling) to watch how quickly they’ve all adapted.

  

• Roots Church – It’s become a steady anchor in our week. The kids look forward to it so much that they are sad to miss a Sunday - even for something like a family trip.

  

• No-Car Life – Without a car, we rely on public transit and our small scooter to get everywhere. It's shaped our Taipei life to be decided local, just as a practical consideration. It was overwhelming at first to walk on the side of the streets with cars and motorcycles zipping by, but now the kids know the way to school and church.

  
  

Upcoming family adventure year trips: 

✅ Warren: Bali & Komodo Island Indonesia for the Komodo dragons (Jan 2025)

✅ Mel: Kyoto, Japan for the cherry blossoms (Mar 2025) (Moving Kyoto to Feb 2025 with Michael & Richelle and will search for cherry blossoms in Taiwan)

✅ Lexi: Chengdu, China for the giant pandas (Oct 2024). She also voted for Komodo dragons. 

✅ Ellie: Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam for the underground tunnels.  She also voted for Komodo dragons. (Jan 2025)

❑ Tori: Hong Kong for Disneyland (May 2025). She also voted for the mall. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This weekend, we’re off on our final trip of the year for Tori’s pick: Hong Kong Disneyland (because that’s the closest we could get to a Disney cruise). Then it’s back to Taipei for one last month of DIY crafts, mango shave ice, affordable sushi, and MRT rides.

After that, we’re taking the scenic route home—London with Warren’s family (Wimbledon, here we come!) and our annual Boston trip before we finally unpack back in San Francisco.  Looking forward to savoring every last bit of time before heading home.