Thursday, October 14, 2021

Wave of Light 2021

 Dear friends and family, 

It’s that time of year again. The Wave of Light is a tradition for our family to remember Louie and other little ones who are no longer with us. October 15 is infant & pregnancy loss remembrance day and observed through the international wave of light. We invite you to light a candle tomorrow (or send "light" thoughts/prayers) from 7pm-8pm in your local time zone. 


We welcomed Tori to our home this year. I had truthfully hoped to have another son, but she made her very own plans. She was born with a full head of hair, just like her big brother. In these early days, I'm acutely aware of what we missed out on with Louie. I can't imagine him as a big kid, but I always remember him as a baby. We continue to feel lucky to have children who are growing and we can continue to hug each day.



With “all girls” (at home), we try to weave Louie’s life and death into our everyday life as we wait on a heavenly reunion. Lexi now regularly makes drawings for her brother and talks about him to her classmates.



The girls are also really into tattoos these days, so I found some old temporary ones from when I was deciding on a permanent tattoo for myself.  It was lovely to remember him together.



I hope your family is staying safe. For your loved ones who are around, please give them an extra hug tonight. Every hug is a gift. For those who have lost loved ones, I hope you can imagine that wave of light that walks across the world connecting us all.

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

What is grief, if not love persevering?

Dear Louie,

Over the years, I’ve collected grief quotes to articulate my ever-evolving feelings for you. This one randomly came from Marvel’s WandaVision.


“But what is grief, if not love persevering?”


That’s the thing with grief in year 7. It can come in the ordinary days and it can come in the momentous milestones. It’s been awhile since I’ve broken down in the tsunami of grief. These days it’s more like a bubbling stream… in the backdrop of the scene rather than taking up all of the space. 


So I think about what has persevered through the years...


I know that life does not guarantee even one minute for each person, so I lean into gratitude for all the minutes I’ve experienced in my life and our family on earth. 


I know that many families are incomplete and what I see isn’t the full story of a family’s hopes or suffering, so I can hold space for those who are not pictured


I know that I miss you dearly and the longing will always be there, and I cherish that part of my heart that is only available to you. 


I know that my love for you always perseveres. 


For your birthday this year, your dad has arranged to pay for birthday cakes from a favorite local bakery.  We hope we can bless another family, who is lucky enough to celebrate a day as special as your birthday.


Happy 7th birthday, Louie! 


Love,

Mom